Is it really so difficult?

Okay. Let's talk about photos, shall we? In my mind, the idea of an online dating photo is to sell yourself. You want to look like YOU, so if you're gray or balding or overweight you don't want to put up a photo of yourself from 20 years ago. But, you know, accentuate the positive, distract from the negative, and most important of all..try to tell me something about yourself. Let's start with what I consider to be a good one.


See? Cute. He's smiling, so you get the sense he's a happy person. He clearly loves his dog, which is important. Dog lovers should attempt to attract other dog owners. The photo at least maintains the illusion that it was taken on the spur of the moment, and not as part of some sort of awkward take-my-photo-for-match session.

Now, granted, our friend looks a little scruffy. (I'm talking about the guy, not the dog!) Let's see if he cleans up well.


Oh nice! Not only does he clean up well, but he has friends, too. His friends look nice. Nobody's drooling drunk. Everybody looks like they're having a good time. These look like people I might like to meet. Job well done!


Now. For a look at some of the less-than-fortunate choices.



So, if you're gonna post a photo of yourself in a stupid hat, you better be smiling. If you can't have a sense of humor when wearing a 1-up mushroom on your head, there's really something wrong. Also, maybe this is just because my ex dragged me into too many mall video game stores, but video game stores are notorious for their lack of female clientele. If you want to attract a girl, try posting a picture of yourself in a place she might like to go.


Okay, first let's talk about professional photo shoots for online dating. Just don't do it. Every single one of this guy's photos are clearly from the same photo shoot. And the photographer has a penchant for stupid poses. What does this photo say about this guy? It says he doesn't have a friend willing to take his photo for free, he THINKS he's a deep thinker, and he wants you to know that he spent too much money on his watch.




This is his only photo. Was it taken by some ant crawling across his crumb covered desk? Are his eyes closed, or just very squinty? Is he singing along to his iPod, or was he just thoughtful enough to put in headphones while watching porn at work? This photo brings up far more questions than it answers.



I actually think this is a kinda cool photo. Nice lighting. Interesting expression. But, this doesn't say "date me" as much as it says "I'm a serial killer and you should run away!" Seriously, the online dating world is a scary place. You never know what kind of weirdo you're gonna meet. So, try to start things off in a friendly, happy way. Not by making us wonder what kind of deep trauma has caused you to have such a hollow soul.

You might be awesome. You might be cute and funny and smart. But, if I were to agree to meet you at my local watering hole, how would I know which guy at the bar is you?

Where to begin? Oh...I know. PUT ON A SHIRT! Then, taken the earbud out of your ear, smile, and get someone to take the photo for you. This photo tells me that you have no friends, go on vacation by yourself, and fail to use enough sunscreen.


Beyond the obvious technical problems with this photo, what's with the dopey expression? Also, if those were my ears, I'd try not to accentuate them.



I give up...