Look Who's Crazy!

Do you ever get yourself into one of those situations where you're completely shocked to discover that someone is absolutely bat-shit crazy?

Yeah, that's the story of my life. Or at least the story of my February 2008 - July 2009.

But, for a more contemporary example, I started chatting with this guy on match.com. From the start, I should have known he was insane. But, let's face it, my long-standing gullibility is likely to become a running theme of this blog. Besides, he was cute. And he had a job. I mean, that's pretty good for match.

So, the whole thing started off kinda weird, because he just sent me his address and said "email me." I thought he was cute and liked his profile, so I wrote back with...

Me: Okay, I'll bite. Why am I emailing you here instead of on match?

Psycho: b/c i never log on to match and i quit match this afternoon -- it is silly
Me: Hmmm...hard to argue with that logic. Is there a reason you wanted me to email you, or did you just want to warn me that I'm wasting my time on match? ;-)
Psycho: now that you met me, you are wasting your time. ;-) let's meet up!

Don't ask me why, but I found this charming so I keptd writing. We agree to go for a walk on Saturday. Then we swapped 20-some-odd emails in less than 24 hours. In my defense, a few of his emails seemed really sincere and charming. And, who can resist a cute, sincere, charming, employed guy on match.com?

Then, I get this:

Psycho: do you want to meet on friday?
Me: I'd love to meet, but I thought we were going for a walk on Saturday? I'm planning to go swing dancing Friday night (dorky, I know.) I have plans Sat night, but could do something during the day. Or, Sunday evening? I have a work thing, but it's over at 4. Yeah, my schedule is stupid busy, but I kinda like it that way.
Psycho: I just figure I would offer Friday instead. I am not a busy person when it comes to meeting someone I really like! Even if we only meet for 20 minutes on Friday we can see if we want to see each other again on Saturday.

Note to self: I am a total sucker for a guilt trip. And that last email? Clearly a guilt trip.

So, now Mr. Psycho comes up with his brilliant "how about I give you a ride?" idea. I say, no, I need my car to get home at the end of the night. So, he just invites himself to ride with me to Somerville, where he'll be meeting a buddy.

I'm not thrilled by this idea. I just got in a little fender bender, so my driving skills are questionable. Plus, who wants to be cute and charming and funny and sexy and fabulous while trying to drive across town in rush hour traffic?

But, due to that earlier guilt trip, I feel compelled to say yes. Luckily, I don't have time to shoot off an email before heading to see my shrink (a.k.a. Dating Coach.) I relate this story and my shrink just kinda sits there for a minute and then finally says:

Shrink: I'm just trying to figure out why you're being so...
Me: Fabulous?
Shrink: I was gonna say accommodating.

Well, um, now that I think of it, I really don't WANT to go on a Let-me-drive-you-across-town-during-rush-hour first date. That seems almost as annoying as that time I went on a Let-me-watch-you-take-a-nap fourth date. And we all know that didn't turn out too well!

Me: Actually, the thought of first-meeting jitters paired with post-accident paranoia is stressing me out. How about if we meet first, and check out each other's driving skills some other time? If you really want to meet me before Saturday, I'm free after work on Wednesday or Thursday. Would one of those evenings work better?

Psycho: not going to work
Me: Okay then, back to the original idea of Saturday during the day?
Psycho: we'll see your reticence is not awe inspiring

Then the emails start coming, rapid fire...

Psycho: if you dont trust me instinctively then its a good idea not to meet me

Psycho: this whole thing is about instinct you seem a nice sincere woman so i
wanted to meet then you express all this apprehension about very very
minor things getting in a car with someone with YOU driving even,
crazy clearly you dont get a good enough feeling from me that you
wouldn't think i wouldn't urinate in your car or something

Psycho: doesnt make a lot of sense to me

Those last two came while I was formulating my response. If I had seen them before I replied, I don't think I would have been nearly as nice!

Me: Who said anything about not trusting you? I said that I didn't trust myself to not drive my car into a curb while trying to combine meeting someone for the first time and driving in rush hour traffic. If you can't understand the difference between those two then, yeah, let's not meet. Good luck with your search...

P-S-Y-C-H-O!