Things that make me go, "Huh?"

So, I know how y'all love the post where tell you about all the "winners" I've found on match.com.  (Don't y'all love that word?  I recently spent some time in Dallas, and I decided that y'all is the best word, ever!)

I feel the need to write a semi-serious post tonight, but first I'll reward you for paying attention with something fun.  Here's a collection of the most mind-numbingly confusing, weird, or awkward guys I was "matched" with over the past week or so.

Example 1:  The social butterfly.

Those of you who've met me know that I'm a pretty sociable gal.  So why, oh why, would match think this guy was a good fit?  First of all, let's take a look at what he does for fun:

I enjoy being at home but willing to go out if necessary.

Yay!  As long as I can drag you out of the house occasionally (only if necessary) then we're good, right?

How about your favorite things?

I like going to different places and trying new foods

Hmm...shouldn't that read, "I like going to different places and trying new foods, as long as it doesn't require me to leave the house?"

Maybe Mr. Sociable has something really great that's keeping him at home all the time.  Like...a pet?  

 

me and my x had a wonderfull yorki name viggo hes about 6 pounds and a great dog

Okay, that rule about not talking about your ex on the first date?  It applies double for your online dating profile!  There are a few exceptions to this rule (usually where custody of children is involved) but custody of a dog does not make the cut!

 

Example #2:  The goal-setter.

i hope to meet nice people who are willing to develop sincere friendships that may develop into a romantic relationship....

Okay, so you'd like to meet nice people (plural) for sincere friendships (plural) that may develop into a romantic relationship (singular.)  Dude, I know Kody Brown has gotten guys thinking they might be able to cash in on this plural marriage thing, but I don't think match.com is a good place to find a couple girls to help you film your own episode of "Sister Wives!"

 

 

I'm sorry for that grammatical outburst.  The Goal Setter continues...

however, this is not the main goal, although it would be nice. 

 Whew.  That's a relief.

 

i believe there are alot of nice ladies, that if they gave me a try, they would be pleasantly surprised and happy with the many fine qualities i bring to a freindship.

So...wait.  Your main goal is not to meet nice people for friendships that may turn into a relationship?  What is your main goal?  To find a new tennis partner?  To find someone to help you rob a bank?  I know what y'all are thinking.  (There's that word again!  So fun!)  I must have conveniently edited his profile and removed an reference to the actual goal.  Nope.  I gave you everything.  I'm just as confused as you are.

And finally.... Example #3:  The championship speller.

ENJOY LIFE TO FULLIEST JUST BEING ME, ALWAYS OPEN TO NEW IDEA'S, ENJOY TRAVELING WHEN I CAN. LOVE TO PLAY AFTER HARDWORK, ALWAYS APPRECIATE OTHERS JUST LOVE HUMANITY ENJOYING LIFE TO THE FULLIEST, WILLING TO MAKE A SCARFICE AS WELL AS SWALLOW MY PRIDE

A few things:

a) what's with the ALL CAPS?

b) Fulliest?  Is that one level fuller than fullest?

c) You only need to put the apostrophe before the "s" when using a possessive or a contraction.  This is neither.  Think of all the ink you can save!

d) I'm glad you're enjoying life "to the fulliest" twice in your single paragraph profile.  I could have forgotten that part after reading those other two sentences.  I'm so glad you reminded me!

e) You're willing to make a scarfice?  Is that like a scar face?  Because I really prefer my faces without scars.

f)  Why, exactly, do you need to swallow your pride?  Has your pride done something that requires swallowing?

Okay, new rule.  I never, ever, ever want to see any references to the word "swallow" in an online dating profile.  Eeewwwhhh!