While I Was Out

So, between going ga-ga over a guy for a couple weeks and going on vacation with my parents, it's been a while since we've gone through the pile of winners in my inbox.  So, here's a few more don'ts, for those of you who might be considering posting profiles on dating websites.

First of all, I know it's tough to get a green card.  This is the land of opportunity, blah, blah, blah, and I don't blame you if you'd like to find yourself a nice American girl to settle down with and live the American dream.  But, if that's your goal, maybe you should start first by having one of your new American friends (you do have friends, don't you?) snap a pic of you?  Because, really, anything's gotta be better than using your passport photo, complete with watermark.  Does anyone look good in their passport photo?

Second, I get that you might be shy.  You might have a big, important job (who doesn't?) and you seem to think that people will think less of you if they know you're on a dating website.  But, dude, you know what I look like.  On what universe do you think it's fair that this is all you give me of yourself?

Here's a hint.  If your photo doesn't give me enough information to be able to find you in a crowded bar or coffeehouse, I'm not ever going to agree to meet you at a crowded bar or coffeehouse.  And, since I don't actually know you, I'm certainly not going to agree to meet you somewhere else!

And, finally, I really hesitate to post someone's ENTIRE eHarmony profile.  I mean, I don't actually want any of these guys to be found out by family and friends as someone who's committed some sort of Single Girl Non-Recommended Online Dating Faux Pas.  But, our friend Michael, here, has posted so little information about himself, that I feel none of his friends would recognize him.  After all, his photo was quite clearly taken in 1975.  (At least, I hope his photo was taken in 1975.  If it was taken recently, we have bigger problems on our hands!)

Wow.  That's just a wealth of information there.  Let's take into account that the "According to my friends" question is multiple choice.  That means this guy managed to write an online dating profile using just 15 words, including his name.  That's impressive.  Can you imagine sitting across the table at dinner with him?

Question:  "So, what do you like to do?"

Answer:  "Stuff."

Question:  "Cool.  What kind of stuff?'

Answer:  "Um...fun...stuff."

Oh, wait, I've already been on that date.