My friend, the Angel...

So, I know I said I was going to keep my identity secret and all, but I couldn't stop myself from sending the blog out to a few also-dating friends. These friends have some stories of their own. This is one I just couldn't stop myself from sharing.

For reasons that will soon become apparent, we'll call my friend Angel. She recently turned 30. She's successful and sassy. She's fun and flirty. And she's hot. I'd say her celebrity doppelganger would be a younger Cameron Diaz.



Yep. Hot.

So, like so many of us, this friend of mine is giving match a try. Recently, she received a letter from this guy.

Not hot.

This dude is 48 years old. He lives way out in Chesterfield, which is 2 1/4 hours outside the city. And he has quite the flair with words.

hello

Hi angel, I wonder how God could let you go off so easily, seeing you has really made me forget to ask how are you doing .well let me not be carried away by your beauty I must tell you the truth you are among the wonders of Gods beauty. I am sorry, i ought to introduce my self, my name is Collins, a 48yrs old Briton, I am a business man who buys and supply arts. I've been on this site for some few hours now. You have a very interesting profile. Can we communicate and see where this takes us to? Meeting with you will be my first joy, I am currently online now and i will really want us to talk, my yahoo IM is searching4@talkmatch.com and my email address is searching4@talkmatch.com Angel, please it will gladden my heart by giving me a response. Don't even talk about the distance, because distance can never and will never be an obstacle to me when it comes to true love. The search shows you are online now pls do include your yahoo id when replying so we could start by chatting. You are beautiful, Cheers till i hear from you. Great smiles

Collins

Okay, let's just sit with this for a sec, shall we? We all know that girls love compliments, but "you are among the wonders of Gods [sic] beauty?" Wow. That's a lot to live up to. And what's with the "meeting with you will be my first joy" line? Has this man never experienced joy before? Never? In his 48 years?

Never?

I'll leave you to find the other little treasures of this message, but before you go. Does anyone else think this guy is full of shit when he claims to be "a Briton?" First of all, everyone I've met from the U.K. identifies by their nationality, English, Scottish, Irish, Welsh, you get the picture. And, those who wish to be a little more vague usually say they're British, not Britons.

Beyond that, most Brits are actually proud of their command of the English language. This guy is dropping grammatical and syntaxical errors in every other line. I think he just saw Love Actually one too many times and he thinks that faking an accent is gonna get him a bar full of hot chicks.



Unfortunately, this guy has more in common with Britney in her crazy-talking-in-accents-while-wearing-a-wig phase than he does with Love Actually's "Love God." Try again, Collins, if that really is your name...