Karma Coming My Way...

I know this is going to be hard to believe, given all the nasty things I write on this blog, but I generally consider myself to be a pretty nice person.  I try to be considerate.  I try not to hurt anyone's feelings.  And, although I have a tendency to vent my frustrations loudly and (hopefully) with great humor, I really don't hold ill will toward anyone.  (With the possible exception of Mr. Crazy Pants, because he deserves it.  I promise.)

So, why do I say such nasty things on this blog?  I mean, sure, I'm theoretically hidden behind anonymity, but most of you know exactly who I am.  

The answer came to me the other day.  I was actually trying to explain away the mind-boggling and (I believe) unintentionally hurtful remarks one friend had made to another. 

I told my friend that the other girl hadn't meant the things she said.  I told her that people sometimes say awful things to try to hide the fact that they are lonely.  I said that it can be easier to make fun of the guys who are available than it is to come to grips with the fear of being old and alone.

Wow.  I was speaking of someone else, but doesn't much of that apply to me?  I don't really consider myself lonely, but I'd be lying if I said I was never afraid.  I'm afraid of choosing another soul-suckingly bad relationship.  I'm afraid not having any kids or grandkids to visit me in the old folks home.  And, yes, some days I'm afraid of becoming known as "that girl" who keeps getting caught making out with random guys on Moody Street.  (I'm so glad my mom doesn't know about this blog!)

So, to all the online daters I've poked fun at, I'm sorry.  I wish you well.  You might not be "the guy" for me, but there is someone out there for you.  She's probably someone who doesn't care about whether you ignore the helpful red lines of spell check, but still...she's out there!

Does this mean I'm going to stop documenting my dating adventures?  No way!  But, I'll try to make a better effort to point at least half the jokes at myself.  And I'll try to remember that every time I make a snap judgment about some guy's online dating profile, there's probably someone else on the other end of a computer screen saying, "She's too old."  "She's too fat."  "She's too ____."