Beginnings...

Anyone who's ever taken a writing class knows that beginnings are important.  The first paragraph of a term paper should set up the thesis.  The opening scene of a movie needs to grab the viewer's attention.  And the first sentence of an online dating profile should, at the very least, make me want to read the second sentence.

You'd be surprised how often that doesn't quite happen...

So, first...to all the guys who start their profiles with some version of "I can't believe I'm doing this" or "it's really hard to describe yourself in a few words"--get over it.  We ALL can't believe we're doing this, and we ALL have no idea how to describe ourselves in a few words.

Let's take a closer look at a few of the very special guys who checked out my profile after my latest re-design.  (By the way, the new haircut photo is still getting a lot of attention.  Who knew?  From now on, all my profile pics will be taken immediately after a professional styles my hair!)

Lesson #1:
Listen to the advice of others.  This is not a post about photos, but this one requires a visual aid.



OK, so I showed my coworker my match profile and she said, "Let me see your photo, make it bigger." I clicked on it and she said, "Oh my Jesus, you look like a freakin' psycho!". Who knew? 

Dude.  Yours is the creepiest photo I've ever seen.   Listen to your friend!  Besides, according to your profile, you're a professional photographer?  This photo makes me question your skills...and your judgment. 

Lesson #2:
Phrases like "white male" should be reserved for police reports and scientific studies.

I am a white male in good shape who acts younger than my age who's looking for a partner that is out going and even tempered.

 Also, noun/verb agreement is important. 

Lesson #3:
Save the fine print for later.



Professional male seeking confident or semi confident woman who knows how to enjoy quality of life. Please no sugar babies looking for sugar daddy to provide happiness and success.

Really?  This happens to you all the time?  You feel like you need to start your profile with this caveat?  I know a lot of women who are/have been/will someday be on match.com, and none of them are looking for a "sugar daddy."

Lesson #4:
Get a proof-reader.

i would like to take her out to eat … 
i'm looking for a serrious relationship,possibley more. no games. ready to settle down,someday have kids. family oreanted man i am.



Typos happen.  There are dozens of them in this blog.  But, try not to sound like Popeye when you write, don't ignore the little red lines that tell you something is misspelled, and make an attempt at punctuation.  At least hit the "shift" key every once in a while!

Lesson #5
If you feel compelled to start with a joke, make sure it's a funny one.

They say a man should always dress for the job he wants...so why am I dressed up like a pirate in this restaurant?

This guy is wearing a business suit in every single picture, and his joke sounds like it's straight from "Public Speaking for Dummies."

Lesson #6:
Try not to clue potential dates into the reason why you're still single.

I like a woman who is secure and can give and take a joke without getting offended or taking everything personal. 

So, you've had a lot of girls walk out on you after you say something stupid, eh?

Lesson #7:
If you're gonna claim to be something, try to make it believable.

I, am a writer at heart. 

One question for ya, Mr. Writer.  What's that comma for?



Lesson #8:
Cut out the business talk.

I work hard in the tech area, dry type of job working with intangibles which triggers the need for more soft and enjoyable activities to make the balance. 

This is a pet peeve of mine.  If something is actually intangible, you can't work with it.  It's just not possible.  Beyond that, what exactly are "soft" activities?  Pillow fights with extra fluffy pillows?  Bouncing around in the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese?

Lesson #9:
Don't start with a bunch of things I already know:

im 5"9 brown hair and brown eyes ..38 years old have two children.

Yep.  That's all listed in your profile.  Anything else you'd like to share?

Lesson  #10:
Avoid yelling.



PLEASE READ THE WHOLE PROFILE.....

Seriously, dude?  Demanding already?  You haven't even met me.  I can't deal.