A Boy Named Sue and Other Updates...

I'm sure not one of my two faithful readers has been lying awake at night wondering where I've gone.  For the record, everything is good.  Quite good, in fact.  So good that I don't want to blog about any of it, because I'm superstitious that way.

But, I don't want either of you to suffer from withdrawal, so I'll update what little there is to update. 

First of all, remember psycho?  Way, way, way back in May?  No?  Gosh, I really thought everyone was taking notes.  Okay, here's the quick synopsis.  (And the not-so-quick synopsis.)

He asked me out for a walk on a Saturday afternoon.  I said "sure."  A few dozen emails later, he asked me out for Friday night instead.  When I said I was busy, he guilt tripped me into thinking waiting an extra 20 hours to meet was unreasonable.  It all went downhill from there and culminated in him calling me "crazy" and talking about urinating in my car.

So, out of absolutely nowhere, I get an email from Mr. Psycho this week.  As usual, it was witty, charming, and well thought out.

how are you?

Ahhh, yes.  Mr. Psycho thinks a three word "sentence" lacking in capitalization is going to be enough to lure me back into a conversation?  Mr. Psycho is clearly still...psycho.

Okay, but now, as promised, on to the Boy Named Sue.  The boy was not actually named Sue.  We don't use real names of guys we actually meet in this blog.  But, he was "gifted" with an otherwise feminine name.  Poor BNS.

BNS and I email chatted for a few weeks before we actually met.  We had a phone "date."  We hit it off well enough, but due to his busy schedule we didn't actually meet until nearly two weeks ago. 

I have this to say to BNS.  Ya snooze, ya lose.  In between scheduling a date with BNS and actually attending said date, I struck up a conversation with the current object of my affection.  We scheduled our first date very quickly and by the time I set out to meet up with BNS, we were already planning our second date.  So, I knew walking into the bar to meet BNS that he didn't have a chance.

That said, I also knew when I walked into the bar to meet BNS that I didn't have a chance in hell of recognizing him.  My only hope was that he would be late, and therefore tasked with the job of finding me.  Luckily, that's exactly what happened.

BNS is that he only had two photos posted on match.  The first was a fish photo.  You know the type...back to the sun, baseball cap on head, holding a prize catch.  They're all pretty much the same, so I didn't feel bad stealing a few from the web and making a montage.

No, none of these guys are the BNS. 

The subject in all these photos is the fish, not the guy.  So, if you're trying to let someone know what you look like (on a dating site, for example) it's not a really good choice.  If you're trying to hide your identity because you're in witness protection, it's totally the way to go.

BNS's second photo was an extreme close up.  Putting together a montage of this type of photo was a little more difficult.  I had to get creative.

None of these guys are the BNS either.  One of them isn't even real.

Incidentally, when I tried to find some "extreme close up" photos on google images, this is what I came up with.

Very funny, but it didn't make my point.  You can totally tell what Wayne and Garth look like.

So, it should come as a surprise to no one that when I finally met BNS, I spent the next ten minutes completely confused because he didn't look anything like I expected.  Maybe I'm dating myself here, but it's kinda like the first time I found out Casey Kasem looked like this:

No.  Casey Kasem is a little man in a funny sweater?  Say it isn't so!

I spent the next two hours having a polite, friendly conversation with the Boy Named Sue.  We laughed.  We had a good time.  We exchanged biographical but not personal information.  But, the entire time I was dreaming of Date #2 with the other guy.  BNS asked me out again, but I politely declined. 

And that's the story of the Boy Named Sue...how do you do?